My Best Friend's Wedding...

My best friend is getting married, my brother is getting married, and suddenly, I've become the lonely girl who needs to be pitied.

This weekend, I traveled back to my hometown to attend an engagement party for Best Friend and her future husband, who became engaged over Easter. With the whirlwind that was the month of June (literally!), I hadn't been able to make it home in time to congratulate them and I was starting to feel remiss.

When I saw her Friday night for an evening of TV and gossip at her condo, it suddenly became apparent that my status as a single girl made me something akin to ... pathetic, at least in her eyes. On more than one occasion since her engagement, I've been told that her fiance has [a] cute, newly-single friend[s] and that he/they could be all mine if I'd just move home already. Thanks, but no thanks. I'm all set with moving back there and I think I can do just fine finding a man for myself. I know she means well, but I can't help but feel defensive about it.

I hate to admit it, but I was dreading having to go to the party at all, and not solely because it meant I'd have to brave the highway for the 2-hour ride back. While talking to Best Friend the night before, it was glaringly apparent why.

Case-in-Point #1: When BF was telling me about the other members of the wedding party (all of whom I knew but one), she happened to mention the fact that the one I didn't know was overweight. She asked my friend if she'd be the biggest person in the wedding party, and when BF told me that, I responded in my usual self-depricating manner that she wouldn't be with me around, to which Best Friend responded, "Oh no, she's bigger than even you."

... Say what, now?! She's bigger than even me? Exactly how big am I, then?

I let that one go, but on Saturday morning, I got a text from her, which brings us to:

Case-in-Point #2: "Hey just wanna make sure you know to dress up to the party, it's not a jeans kinda thing." Now, I know I'm not the most glamorous person in the world (I do live in a small western Massachusetts town, not New York City; here, it's not a requirement to step out of the house with a cute dress and Jimmy Choos or Louboutins), but c'mon. Doesn't that go without saying? I gathered that fact based on the semi-formal invite, did I really need to be told?

Part of the reason I don't return to town as frequently as I used to is I'm sick of constantly feeling bad about myself and never fail, whenever I'm in the presence of BF (or especially, her sister!), I leave feeling an immeasurable amount of self-loathing and resentment. I am not the type of person who counts calories; I'm not a gym fanatic; I don't own my own house/condo; I don't have someone to share my life with... these are all qualities that describe BF/Sister and for some reason, I can't help but feel like when measured against them, I fall short as a result... and not just in stature.

It's probably all in my head and I'm probably too oversensitive, but I can't help it. Ever since BF met her boyfriend — excuse me, fiance — she has become a different person. We used to talk all the time and I used to go home as often as possible to see her. Since he came into the picture, she has forgotten about our friendship... or at least forgotten how to maintain it. Sure, I may be partially to blame for that — I did move away, after all (although to my credit for the first few years, I maintained it pretty well) — but whenever I'd contact her, I'd at least acknowledge her boyfriend. If I don't solicit any details about my personal life, she doesn't ask... Isn't that what friends do? Inquire about the others' lives? 

Perhaps, though, it's better that she doesn't... Because with all the news of people getting married (and having babies), my news that I'm now single —again — isn't all that impressive, is it?