Dejected rejection

I'm not qualified for anything.

In the last year or so, I've sent out hundreds of applications for various writing/editing/media/PR positions across Massachusetts (and in some instances, in New Hampshire and Connecticut, too!) and all I ever get by way of response is a rejection... and that's if I'm lucky enough to get a response at all.

Am I missing something, here?

I've spent the better part of the last decade of my life writing. Between college essays, the school newspaper, my internship and now my full-time job, I have spent the bulk of my day - every day - with my fingers rapidly clicking keys on my keyboard. Even here, when I'm not writing for work I'm (sporadically) writing...just to write. (Needless to say, I have a pretty impressive WPM rate, but that's beside the point.) So why is it so hard for me to find something to do for a living where I can be adequately compensated for my efforts and actually enjoy what I do?

Out of the countless applications I've mailed in the last year or so, I've had one interview...ONE! During that interview, the woman I spoke to told me she'd call me in a day or so to let me know if I'd gotten the job and I never heard from her again. I can accept that perhaps I wasn't qualified for that position, but I can't accept that she couldn't bother to tell me to my face. Hell, I'd have accepted a form letter indicating I wasn't the right candidate for the job, blah blah blah, but instead I got nothing.

Since then, I've been more bold in my applications. If I'm going to be rejected for the positions I know for a fact that I actually possess the qualifications for, I might as well apply for the jobs I'd love to have, despite the fact that I lack the necessary skills for them. Case in point: I applied to Harvard a few months ago. No, not as a student; as an editor for Harvard University Press. Come to think of it, I never did get an acknowledgment from them either way (Yay? Nay?) but I don't care because I didn't much believe I'd get the position anyway. I just wanted to be able to say "Why yes, I've applied to Harvard." Haha. At least my sense of humor is still intact.

These rejections and the last year of my life are made all the more frustrating when you consider that this (apparently) is one of the reasons why Doc and I broke up. He believed I wasn't motivated enough to find a new career path. I believed that if I was rejected one more time, I'd have no choice but to throw myself off a cliff. Clearly I'm a lot stronger than I gave myself credit for because the demise of my relationship was, in fact, yet another rejection, but here I am... sure I'm still dangling precariously close to the edge, but I'm here nonetheless.

I'm trying to remain optimistic about my future but these days I find pessimism is my initial knee-jerk reaction to everything. What's the sense in trying when it feels like I'm only setting myself up to fail?

Will someone please pull me away from the edge or do us all a favor and push me over it?