E-mail

The following is actual e-mail correspondence between me and my father that is just too priceless not to chronicle here..

Me: Just so you know, I'm plotting the great cat swipe of 2010. One day soon when you least expect it, I'm going to show up at your house and steal sylvester back. And in his place I'm going to leave devil kitty...aka... Little Bastard (i.e. Your cat).

He's already torn through two windows with plastic wrap on them for insulation, not to mention the sheer number of light bulbs he's sent to that great lamp in the sky. I'm not going to keep fighting this battle, after all he's not my cat (as mom keeps pointing out). What am I supposed to DO with him!? Please advise as I'm at my wit's end.....

Dad: Try fattening him up so he'll be more docile and  not so nimble, and tranquilizers... for the cat, not you! Think of it as good preparation for when you have to child-proof your home.

Lovely. Thanks for your help, Dad!