Writer's Block

Now that I've got a new (read: slightly used) latop at my disposal, on which I'm supposed to write the next great American novel (hell, I'd settle for simply a novel, it doesn't need to be great at this point), I find I'm afflicted with the sickness that affects most writers at some point in their careers: writer's block.

I'm not sure I know what story I want to tell or if I have anything to say that's worth listening to and good grief! that small shred of doubt is wrecking havoc on my creativity. I've started — and promptly deleted — the beginning of three different stories. I have an idea currently swirling about my head that I have yet to tackle for fear that it, too, will turn into a dud. I feel like a failure already and I haven't even started yet.

Somebody help me out here, this is what I do for a living, right? I WRITE. So why does the thought of writing terrify me to no end?

Perhaps it's not the writing that's the problem; it's the potential for rejection. I'll admit, I'm fragile. I strive for perfection; I like commendations. If someone reads what I write and relates to it, I've done my job. If they enjoyed it so much that they feel the need to lavish me with praise, well then I've done my job well. Therefore, I dread the day I receive the form letter thanking me for my manuscript submission but alerting me to the fact that — hello! — it sucked. I simply can't take that kind of criticism.

As I write this, I can think of three or four writers whom I admire who have come out publicly to state that their breakthrough novels — the books that catapulted them onto the New York Times Bestselling list — were rejected by not one but several publishers before someone took a chance on them. It's such a classic story at this point it's almost cliche... and yet...

I can't even think of a possibility that doesn't include me publishing my book. Dare to dream, I say. (I live in a fantasy world, or haven't you noticed?)

There's just one problem... I have yet to write a book with which I'll risk rejection before making it big in the literary world.

The stress of it all may prove to be too much.

Maybe I should write about a struggling writer who longs to publish her manuscript who instead finds herself sidetracked by men and friends and pets and everything life has to offer in between hard work and smashing success...

I can see their rejection letter already:

"Dear Jennifer...We're sorry to inform you we will not be considering your manuscript at this time...or EVER, really. Frankly, your characters are underdeveloped and your plot line is too contrived. This story is unconvincing and basically unpublishable."

Really? Because it's pretty much my life at the moment...

Oh, the horror!